Every now and then, we hear of spousal abuse!
It is a growing scourge in every society and for us Muslims living in Malaysia, we frequently hear of battered wives and those neglected by their husbands.
Not many of those who are caught in these vicious circumstances realise that there exists a very simple, straightforward way out for such people in the Marriage Laws of Islam.
There is a clause in every Marriage Certificate @ Sijil Nikah where the bridegroom has to read out aloud after the solemnisation of the Nikah @ Marriage to the attending Kadhi and witnesses of the marriage.
The Clause is very clear:
I declare that if I leave my wife (Name of spouse) for a period of 4 months (Hijrah Calendar) or longer continuously, on my own accord or by being forced, and I or my representatives do not give her due maintenance within the stated time or I harm her physically in any way and she reports me to the Syariah Courts and when it (her report) is found to be true and she gives to the Syariah Courts which accepts on my behalf One Ringgit, then she is divorced from me at that moment on grounds of 'Talaq Khul'!'
Divorce by Taqliq is a way out for Muslims who suffer from spousal abuse or neglect. Not many out there remember this clause in their marriage solemnisations and out of sheer ignorance wreak havoc upon each other.
Click on the topic link above to read about another poor soul who got battered by her husband!
Presently, many couples who find themselves incompatible needlessly suffer in silence or engage in abusive conduct and battle each other continuously, causing physical, emotional and spiritual harm to themselves and their children, resulting in extreme trauma to all in the process!
Society today is but sadly still so ignorant of the many ways to solve such problems. This takes place in all ethnicities and religions. I don't know about the conditions for divorce in Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism, etcetera but as far as the conditions in Islamic marriages are concerned, the 'Divorce by Taqliq' is the simplest yet often forgotten way out to a better future for those who got married for the wrong reasons and want a way out!
I should know. I married a divorcee with two sons of her own out of pity without knowing my ex's personality in depth and as a result suffered in silence for 14 long years. She bore me two children out of our union, a son and a daughter.
So, altogether I had 4 children to care for. Two readymade and two of my own. My stepsons were 7 and 5 respectively when I married their mom. That was way back in 1987. My son was born in 1988 and daughter in 1992.
My stepsons are all grown up now.They are taking care of their mom, a government employee. Both sons are doing well and one is already engaged, due to be married.
I was patient for so long because I didn't want to leave my kids when they were still so young. So , out of consideration for my children, I went through the gauntlet or baptism of fire, so to speak.
Today, I am rebuilding my life with a better spouse. Although I lost everything to my name when I divorced in 2001, today I am at the brink of a more stable future, happy in my heart for my present spouse is the best life partner I could ever hope for and my son is back within my reach.
My daughter still hates my guts for leaving her but I pray to God that she'll come to understand why I had no other options back then than to place a 'Condition for Taqliq' on my ex, her mom.
Yes, husbands who also suffer from spousal abuse can place a condition upon their abusive wife or wives!
If she goes against the condition that the husband placed upon them and there should be at least one material witness to the laying of the condition, then when the wife breaks the condition, divorce by 'Syarat Taqliq' takes place.
The husband then needs to go lodge a report of the incident to the Kadhi at the Syariah Courts where a date and time will be fixed by the Kadhi for a hearing or trial where both parties would have to be present.
In the hearing, the Syariah Courts found that my report was true and my ex admitted that I had laid down the condition and that she had broken it. That affirmation seals the proof that Divorce by Syarat Taqliq had indeed taken place and a divorce by One Talaq was granted and registered.
When she broke the condition I had laid out, she thus divorced herself from me.
There are many out there who are suffering without having the need to. This world is still full of other choices and vast opportunities to start life anew. You have to sacrifice some in order to gain some.
Life is too short for us to waste it in suffering. The saying that 'Life is short ; make it sweet' is just so very true!
As for those who are caught in this vicious circumstances of life that you didn't imagine yourselves to be, realise that in Islam, there are many ways out to solve your problems.
Islam is so all encompassing in our lifes. It is we who need to learn and discover the oceans of solutions available to each and everyone of us, to live a better life with those who complement us and not having to suffer unnecessarily in the labyrinth of life!
Appreciate the many allowances in Islam and put them to practice. You may think that life is useless for you after being tortured by someone whom you thought was the best thing to ever happen to you , but believe me...if you want to be free, the doors are open right there for you.
If you do not know which one or where it is located, I can help point them out to you, if it is the only remedy for your predicament, Insya Allah!
To those who are presently involved with someone, please take your time and make some serious effort to really get to know the true nature of your intended spouse for many a times, it has been proved in time, over and over again, that looks and demeanours can always prove to be the total opposite in reality.
It's your life and your call as to the choice you make. Don't find it out too late after the damage has been done as I did or as the case above in the link I attached to the topic.
Anyway, in my part, I was blessed to be given two angels as a result of my previous union. that makes up for all the sufferings I went through. I wish tht those of you who know anyone suffering the same, to point them out to the exit!
A whole new life awaits you! May Peace and Happiness be with us all! Ameen.