Saturday, November 11, 2006
Guidance for the Muslim husband
In the Name of Allah,
Most Compassionate, Most Merciful.
Verily, the state of the Muslims today merits the sharing of truthful Information and Knowledge of Islam between us and those of us who have the means to do so must not withhold from spreading it.
Among the most important Ilm that a Muslim husband must know is the Adab and Obligations that he must do before having intimate relations with his spouse.
From the Book of Nikah in Sahih Al Bukhari, Chapter 19 Hadith no.1854.
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas Radhiallahu Anhu ( May Allah (SWT) be pleased with him):
The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wassallam said,
"If anyone of you , upon having sexual intercourse with his wife, says :
'Bismillah, Allahumma jannibni Syaitan, wa jannib-ish Syaitan ma razaqtana'
and it is destined that they should have a child, then Syaitan will never be able to harm him or her!"
The invocation above means : ' In the Name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect what You bestow upon us ( i.e. an offspring ) from Satan!'
Practicing the above invocation will protect the couple from disturbances by Syaitan and Insya Allah, their offspring will be not harmed by the Devil.
In today's lifestyle, many young couples live a life that is modern but devoid of religious observances. This in turn is further aggravated by many husbands being negligent in matters concerning the teachings of our faith.
A Muslim husband must learn about matters that concern the proper mannerisms and practices that will safeguard and preserve the sanctity and dignity of a honourably married couple.
Many a husband out there fails to nurture his relationship with his spouse. He takes her for granted and ironically after marrying her, neglects to shower his love and care upon her!
When they were courting, they'd hold hands and be as romantic as they can be but surprisingly after taking her hand in holy marriage, many Muslim husbands seem reluctant to be as they were before nikah with their wife!
It's sheer stupidity for some men who will go all out to woo their beaus into marrying them and will be so fixated with the woman before getting her to be his wife but after nikah and after getting a child or two start neglecting their wife and go start an affair with those not legal for him!
Society today is full of couples who try to fool around when they are already married legally!
If they want to, they can with a little extra effort on both their parts to be able to build a strong healthy union of their hearts and their souls!
What is marriage without an evergrowing bond of sweet love between husband and wife?
We struggle like hell to get married to our spouse yet there are those who after succeeding in doing so, sort of get disillusioned with their legally and religiously married partners!
One major reason is the lack of communications between husband and wife! They allow small differences to creep into their relationships which in turn start festering into major sores as a result of their own egos and refusal to give in and make up with their spouses.
To make a marriage work, it needs both husband and wife to allow the other some space to make mistakes (unintentionally of course) and to slip up once in a while.
Each person have their own individual likes and dislikes. Men tend to think that after marrying, their wife is obligated to do all the household chores and to serve them 24 7!
Well, excuse me but that is so preposterous! A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman who have rights to be loved and served by each other.
It doesn't lessen a man's status or physical self in any way to help his wife do the dishes, clean their clothes, keep the house clean and livable, dust, vacuum, cook and help with all the things that needs to be done in the home!
I am not saying that a man must be subservient to his wife. Just that a husband must not mistakenly take for granted that his wife is his own personal domestic servant! No sirree!
Our Mother Saiyidatina Hawwa (Radhiallahu Anha) - May Allah be pleased with her was created from the bone taken from the ribcage of Our Father Saiyidina Adam Alaihis Salam - May peace be upon him.
That goes to show that women are to be accorded proper respect and protection by us men and treated as our partners and not abused as so many do today, out of ignorance and as a result of succumbing to the rages of the bloody egos!
A wife is a man's trust from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala! Without her, the husband ceases to be complete and the man's lineage comes to a full stop if he does not have any children from her.
In cases where the couple are not blessed with child, then if it is the husband's condition that he is infertile and has a problem with his manliness, then it is imperative that the husband goes to seek treatment instead of straightaway accusing his wife to be sterile!
Many a man out there has sexual dysfunctions as a result of his self abuse of his own self of too much masturbation or any other sexual orientations before marriage. The result is damage to his male organ as the delicate veins there will get harmed from his abusive conducts.
God Almighty made us perfect. When a person does not use his God given attributes accordingly, he or she thus does not follow the instructions from the manufacturer @ Creator.
The end result is that the product does not work as it is supposed to because of wrongful usage.
Both men and women today are exposed to all kinds of weird misbehaviour and misusing their selfs. Only by going back to the basics and knowing what to do, how to do and the manner to do whatever we want to with our selfs and the facilities that we have with us, will we be able to attain a satisfactory result with what we have been blessed.
It is a known fact that life is what we make it to be. We are all unique individuals, blessed with our own attributes that are a gift from God and we must appreciate it.
If we have any inadequacies, then we must strive to improve our lot and do what is necessary to change our situation. Nothing will change in our life until and unless we ourselves do the necessary actions to change it!
Just by wishing alone will not alter an iota of our reality. If it was so, then many out there will be able to live out their fantasies and get all that they want from life.
The reality is that if we do not get up off our seats and go do what we need to do, no changes will come into being especially in our own individual life's.
The Muslim husband needs to take charge of his life and that of his wife. If he becomes knowledgable and gets to know things that are worth sharing with his wife, then he must do so with 'hikmah' @ wisdom and guide his wife accordingly.
There are certain things that he must not divulge or disclose to her - his screw ups in the past - if it will be too damaging if she finds out - such things are best left to the Judgement of Allah SWT in the Hereafter.
Things done in the past are best left to History. No point in digging up dirt of each other's misdeeds and mistakes. They are hurtful and not contributive to the marriage's foundation.
Do not look for faults. I guarantee you that you will if you do. A thousand and one faults will turn up and that will be a messy thing to find out. The peace and harmony in our hearts will be destroyed and thus in turn cause us to lose our affection to our partner in life.
Instead, try looking for plus points and areas that we can appreciate in our spouse. If you can wolf whistle your wife when you were courting her before nikah, well, once in a while do that again as she comes into your view ( provided of course that she's looking alright and in the proper condition) hehehehehe!
Every wife loves nothing else but to be appreciated by the most important man in her life!
You as her husband will be the centre of her universe if you become the best that you can be by according your wife, your undying love, your full affections, your respect and appreciation of her, by showing her instead of just thinking about it, of how much she means to you!
We live just once here on Earth. Make sure that you live it to the max by making life for you and your wife be as pleasant and fulfilling according to your own personal finances and affordability to do so whilst still being blessed to be alive!
If your wife has not betrayed you, has not caused you grievious harm both in her actions and her speech, her treatment of you as a husband and as a man, then by all means , do what's right!
Treat her as such that no other man will look as attractive and as superb as you.
An important bastion of a couple's marriage remaining strong and continue to be so is to give her full sexual satisfaction in bed. A good captain makes sure that his ship reaches the port safely with all goods intact! Reach for the finishing line and do not quit halfway! Stamina is important! So is your love for her. Always remember that she is the one made halal for you!
Do not leave your wife unsatisfied. Visit www.zawaj.com to learn about it. There are many kitabs out there that give good guidance and the know how about the subject.
Accord to her, her rights to be granted a satisfactory sexual life and make sure that you maintain your masculinity by eating the right foods, consuming the right supplements and keeping your manliness up to mark.
Be up to date as to all that you need to do and to know in being her partner in life and try your level best to keep improving!
God loves those who do all that they can to keep their love life and marriage strong! Wallahi!
With that, I hereby wish each Muslim husband out there a blessed marriage and May Allah SWT Bless you and your wife a very satisfying life both here on Earth and in the Hereafter.
You my email me your questions about anything that you want to know and Insya Allah, I will help you out if I have the information or help you seek for it.
Go get yourself a copy of the Sahih Bukhari and Muslim and delve into it for the Pearls of the Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi Wassallam. His life and his example of how to behave towards our spouses stands as the standard of how to be the best husband that we can be. Read it today!
In the meantime, I will share with you what I feel is relevant to us as husbands and blog about it here. I will post such hadiths intermittently from now on as a guidance for the Muslim husbands. Insya Allah.
May Allah SWT bless us and guide us all. Ameen Ya Rabbil Alameen!