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Monday, February 05, 2007

Surviving Marriage- The Yin and Yang of it.

Assalamualaikum to all Muslims reading this and my sincere best wishes to all others.

May your life's be blessed by Almighty Allah to be one of loving bliss and romantic harmony.

Ameen Ya Rabbal Alameen.

Just like this happy couple are on their wedding day, I wish each and every married person reading this, a blissful life with their chosen ones.

May you all be blessed with eternal love and harmony. Ameen. I really mean it.

The reality of married life is however not always as the fairy tales would want us to believe.
For some couples, marriage is not a case of living happily together ever after. It can turn to be a nightmare that many did not expect or even have an inkling that it would even take place in their life's!

The problem starts when either party starts to neglect their spouse and take each other for granted. The saying goes that familiarity breeds contempt. I somehow do not agree.

Having lived through a loveless marriage before and stayed in that marriage for 14 long suffering years, I have accumulated personal experiences that have taught me to cherish and appreciate what I now have with my present and God Willing, eternal spouse!

Couples going through crisis of incompatibility with their spouses are reduced to suffer in silence and avoid bringing their heartaches to the attention of family and friends what more to the knowledge of the public.

This unhappy and heartwrenching situation drives them nuts and those who do not have a strong self belief will resort to the easy way out and go do things that will only worsen their situations.

So what do I have to share with you about surviving the Yin and Yang of Marriage?

Lots, if I may share some thoughts with you about the pleasures and tortures present in married life.

Marriage is very, very important to mankind for it ensures the continuity of the human race that is bound within the dictates of religion and social harmony.

Those of us who are married and have children from our holy unions with our legitimately married spouses have continued the legacy and lineage of our families from Time immemorial to the Last Day on Earth, Insya Allah!

Those who go have children out of wedlock as the way things are in the West are finding out the consequences of such irresponsible sexual liaisons out of the bounds of holy marriage. Bastards born out of such unholy unions now make up a large portion of the western society.

They become social outcasts and they in turn go on and commit the same mistakes that their parents made and as a result, the social and moral structure of their societies are coming apart at the seams , so to speak.

The prestige and honor of being able to stand up in public and proudly state their name and ancestry no longer becomes the right of such illegitimate offspring and in their hearts and minds, they suffer endless mental torture having to face society with such a shameful background.

Now to the topic at hand. Marriage.

Many couples today face a serious breakdown in their marital life because they fail to nurture and grow a strong sense of mutual love for one another. It is a result of the lack of communication between husband and wife and vice versa.

Couples who are both having jobs and careers in order to make their ends meet, often grow apart as a result of spending less and less time with each other. They are more familiar with their office mates or business associates and thus get distant from their spouses by the day.

I am fortunate to have an understanding wife who allows me to be on the pc doing my business emailing, websites maintenance and updating my downlines websites for them and reaching out to so many prospects out there who are contacting me to join my Team ZAINKING and do this Uptrend business. She's a gem and I really, really appreciate her for it.

Back to the topic. :P

Unless both parties remain true to their marriage vows and remain steadfast to their promises to be true to their spouses, the eventuality of extramarital affairs and adultery is always there, ready to invade and pollute that marriage.

Lack of attention from the spouse especially when it concerns the sensitive and intimate matter of sexual gratification opens up the door to infidelity and the cause of millions of marriages to crumble and get destroyed in the process.

Both husbands and wifes are to be blamed for such a catastrophe. This reality manifests itself in so many life's all over the world.

Everyday, hundreds of thousands or marriages go up in the flames of divorce because society as a whole is already suffering from apathy and couldn't carelessness arising from the breakdown in moral and social attitudes and norms.

The root cause is failure to defend the marriage from the advances and intrusion of 3rd parties into the confines of the marriage.

Husbands who fail to maintain and upkeep their sexual drive and libido end up leaving their wife's unsatisfied with their sex life and thus create a situation where the wife's have no option but to look for fulfillment of their erotical needs with another.

The same applies to wife's who fail to cater to their husband's needs to have sex whenever their needs arise.

Failure to maintain and upkeep their attractiveness of their physical self's result in a turning off of the husband's level of arousal upon facing an unattractive vista before him. Vice versa!

All these give root to a deep rooted dissatisfaction with one's spouse and therefore opens up the doors for the dissatisfied party to go seek pleasures and sexual release elsewhere.

That's one major reason why adultery thrives everywhere here on Earth because couples fail to maintain their attractiveness and be sexually healthy for their spouses!

No one would want to go seek forbidden pleasures if there's enough halal pleasures being provided at home by their partners in life. Those who fail to take care of the sexual needs of their wife's or husband's are only asking for trouble to take root at home.

Mental, physical and spiritual torture then takes place within that marriage when either party fails to provide that sexual release that is so vital to keep a marriage going on and remain strong over the ages.

A marriage is a union of two individual souls and a joining of two hearts. Each unique and separate in their likes and dislikes yet willing to share and care for each other till death or divorce takes place in their life's.

To keep a marriage strong and able to weather the storms and tempests that wreak havoc in the days and years of being married, that marriage has to be nurtured with care and compassion by both parties.

Each party has to take care of their physical self's , mental health and spiritual strengths. They have to be sincere and genuine in wanting to live together and not put up a charade that all is well in their union.

Tips for the husband:

  • A man has to make sure that he is always attentive to his wife's needs. By that I don't mean just the sexual aspects of it but to also give emotional support to the wife when she has had a lousy day at the office or workplace.
  • A husband also must maintain a healthy lifestyle. He must always be well groomed and take care of his appearance. He must look good, smell good and feel good, always. He must take regular baths and be pleasant to be with. He must take care of his body hygiene!!!
  • No wife will love a husband who looks like shit and smells like one. Rule # 1 to be your wife's leading man- be as pleasing to HER EYES and smell good like the macho man you want to be like in the ads on the tv and cinema screens.
  • Dress well and be smart in your appearance. Nothing pleases a wife than to have her husband look like a male model with smartly pressed pants and elegantly clothed and well groomed. No matter what your financial status is , you can afford to look good and feel good. Dress to inspire. Good grooming opens up the doors to success, both at home and in business. Being average doesn't mean you can afford to look like a loser! No way!
  • Be willing to help with chores at home. Even the Prophet SAW and his Companions helped their wife's at home. You won't be less a man if you help do the dishes. Your wife will love you more if you help her out with such things. It's your mutual home. Upkeep the place together. Your wife is a trust to you from God and she is not your servant or your maid. She is your life partner. I help out at home. No problemo for me. :)
  • A man must be willing to listen to his wife sharing tales about this and that and not turn abusive to her. He is the # 1 man in his wife's life so he must be willing to be the Jack of all trades and Master of some for her.
  • He must learn how to carry out the usual handiworks needed at the house. Know some plumbing, electrical repairs, be able to repair and rectify whatever small problems that crop up at every household. Failure to do that will see your wife not respect you that much.
  • A man must take care of his manhood. He must keep his libido strong and be able to satisfy his wife if he loves her and wants her to be happy with him throughout their marriage. He must service his body just like his car needs servicing every now and then. They say you are what you eat ; so a man who wants to be able to perform well in bed needs to eat all the right foods and drinks.
  • Herbal treatments are very effective in maintaining sexual health and there is no shame to go seek treatment if a man starts to feel less powerful in that department. With today's advancements in the field of medicine and sexual therapy, no man can give the excuse that he did not know where to go for such treatments.
  • A man needs to also be good in his religious practices. Failure for a man to lead and guide his wife in matters of the faith will see the wife fail to respect her husband. If you are a Muslim, it is fard upon you to lead your wife and family in prayers . I believe the same goes for any other faiths. The husband has to take charge and teach his spouse and family in such matters.
Will be posting about the role of the wife in my next posting. Insya Allah.