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Sunday, July 19, 2009

If marriages are made in heaven ; how come there are so many mismatches?

So asks a fellow blogger and reader of mine, Norzah?

Well, brother Norzah, the only marriage that took place in heaven that I learned of during my days of involvement in the Tariqah Naqsyabandiah is that of our Father Sayyidina Adam Alaihis Salam and our Mother Sayyidatina Hawwa Radhiallahu Anha!

Sayyidina Adam Alaihis Salam and Sayyidatina Hawwa Radhiallahu Anha were married by Sayyidina Jibril Alaihis Salam and witnessed by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala after they were purified by the waters of Jannatul Firdaus and dressed in the heavenly clothes awarded to them by Ar Rahman Ar Raheem and witnessed also by the General Assembly of all the Heavenly Malaikats.

This is what I as a Muslim who believes in the Unseen God Allah Rabbul Alameen and in the Yaum al Ghaib believe to be so.

The saying that all marriages are made in heaven is just a human invocation based upon the general tendency by Mankind to place all goodness to heaven and otherwise to Hell.

The reality that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has revealed in the Holy Al Quranul Kareem that He will not change the Fate of Mankind till Mankind changes it him or herself must be taken into consideration when pondering about this subject!

Allah the Almighty Creator states so in the Surah Ar Ra`ad Chapter 13 Verse 11:

11. Lahu muAAaqqibatun min bayni yadayhi wamin khalfihi yahfathoonahu min amri Allahi inna Allaha la yughayyiru ma biqawmin hatta yughayyiroo ma bi-anfusihim wa-itha arada Allahu biqawmin soo-an fala maradda lahu wama lahum min doonihi min walin

11. For each (such person) there are (angels) in succession, before and behind him: They guard him by command of Allah. Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls). But when (once) Allah willeth a people's punishment, there can be no turning it back, nor will they find, besides Him, any to protect.

Now, to address the subject of mismatches in marriage.

As I have stated in my previous article as to the subject of divorce and as to whether there is life after such a tragedy, I reiterate that it is we who decide as to whether we choose to suffer in our mismatched marriage or we choose to end it once and for all and start our life all over again albeit having to suffer losing all that we had worked hard to save and store the earthly wealth and necessary material needs in order to sustain ourselves.

Those who have gone through divorce know what I mean but it also depends on the state of one's financial standings as to whether one would still be able to live as one used to depending on what one has managed to save or store up for meeting the consequences of being free from the miserable union of marriage that one was unfortunately caught or trapped in before?

As in my case, I lost practically everything that I had, literally!!!

Save for my never say die and can do attitude, I survived!

How many others can do the same?

God knows!

I blame no one but myself for rushing into such a marriage as I did before.

I wasn't as able to weigh the consequences of such a life changing decision back then as I am able to now, after having crossed the threshold age of being half a century old now.

51 years old come this October, Insya Allah!

To answer Norzah, I say that it is we ourselves who screw up in marrying those who aren't exactly our soulmates based upon our state of mind and intellect or rather the lack of it when we do so for the very first time.

Allah has left it to us to decide on our own free will.

Marriages after Adam AS and Hawwa RA are not made in heaven, anymore.

Heaven is innocent of such a charge or assumption.

You who are about to marry, please do so only if you are a 100% sure that he or she is really the one that you want to live with for the rest of your life's!!!

Divorce is a very messy thing, I can promise you that.

Not many will have the strength to live through that gauntlet of fire I tell you! Some get singed for life! Some end up half cooked and miserable for the rest of their lives.

My ex continues to hassle me to this day with her endless sms's.


Please do decide well and after a thorough background check of your intended mate.

You do not want to end up in living with a devil in disguise, do you?

May Allah bless and protect us all from ourselves.

Our foolishness in willing to assume that everything that shines is gold and every smiling persona who comes our way is the promised one?

Yeah right!


Better to be safe...than sorry!

Don't you agree?

I leave you with the King of Rock n Roll's take on this : Devil in Disguise

You look like an angel
Walk like an angel
Talk like an angel
But I got wise

You're the devil in disguise
Oh yes you are
The devil in disguise

You fooled me with your kisses
You cheated and you schemed
Heaven knows how you lied to me
You're not the way you seemed

You look like an angel
Walk like an angel
Talk like an angel
But I got wise

You're the devil in disguise
Oh yes you are
The devil in disguise

I thought that I was in heaven
But I was sure surprised
Heaven help me, I didn't see
The devil in your eyes

You look like an angel
Walk like an angel
Talk like an angel

But I got wise
You're the devil in disguise
Oh yes you are
The devil in disguise

You're the devil in disguise
Oh yes you are

The devil in disguise

Oh yes you are
The devil in disguise


With that I rest my case, so be it.


norzah said...

Thanks very much for the unequivocal answer, Mahaguru. If we human beings make the choice of a wife, then there's no need to be surprised if we have so many mismatches. Even so the mismatch is a blessing based on Allah's promise:فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا The resultant torture becomes Allah's punishment so that you change and seek a more appropriate partner - as you did. However you can choose to accept the situation and seek Allah's guidance to change her for the better.Am I correct?

MAHAGURU58 said...

Well my dear brother, Allah Knows that I tried for 14 long years to TRY and just do that!

Frankly speaking, `twas a lost cause.

I now have come to learn that sometimes some folks are best left to live as they wish.

It's better to seek our true soul mates by doing what we need to by way of communicating with others who share our values and principles instead of trying to push a round peg into a square orifice.

It surely will be a waste of precious time and unwisely thing to do.

Opposites attract they say but in actuality this applies mostly to magnets.

Human beings are much more complex and temperamental for us to generalize.

I have come to learn about them in my own way.

We can never expect some people to change their ways just to accommodate or please us.

I for one have come to believe that some relationships are just never meant to be.

It makes no difference whether the one who stabs us in the heart is a total stranger or our own flesh and blood.

I have personally experienced such a betrayal so I know what I am talking about.

My principle is simple ; " Love those who love us! Avoid those who are just devils in disguise."

Insya Allah, we will be alright.

norzah said...

Thanks again, ya akhi. You've just cleared my conscience, for I've gone through the experience. Some people just cannot be changed and I take comfort in Allah's injunction:لَكُمْ دِينُكُمْ وَلِيَ دِينِ