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Saturday, July 18, 2009

Is there life after divorce? Depends...

A subject that not many would want to dwell upon but which is a sad reality affecting many all around the world.

In today's materialistic world, many couples live a strained life devoid of true love and compassion.

As a result, domestic squabble and violence takes place almost daily in the life's of couples who got married not due to love but circumstances.

A marriage of convenience. A marriage born out of pity. A marriage due to forced pregnancies. A marriage that is arranged. A marriage to strengthen family or business ties.

All kinds of marriages take place today and when such marriages turn sour, the ones who suffer most are the children from such hasty unions.

When we speak about divorce, many suffering spouses fear to cross that line because they have become so dependent on their beaus to such a stage that they can't imagine living life all alone?

Some spouses abuse their partners so much that they resort to physical abuse such as assault and battery. Some drive their partners nuts to such an extent that the suffering victims border on the verge of a mental breakdown and turn insane!

I myself lived through such a marriage before and I confess to almost losing my mind myself due to the tremendous pressure and mental agony that only those who are in similar situations can imagine how it feels to live a life full of delusions and false pretenses.

In our Asian society, suffering couples often put up a show that all's well when in reality raging tempests drive them nuts within the walls of their homes.

When I divorced, custody of my two children, a son and a daughter went to their mother. I also surrendered whatever little property I had to them and started a new life from scratch. I came to KL with just a given shirt on my back.

For almost a year, my tears would stream down my cheeks whenever I saw children who resembled my own. I yearned for them and missed them like hell.

I was not allowed to speak to them and lost all contact with them. I only got to see my daughter when we attended the funeral of my niece who passed away due to a doctor's botched prescription for her health condition.

I do not wish to dwell too much on all that has happened since then but now my kids are all grown up yet they do not bother to contact me even when my number has been published so prominently on my blog.

What an irony when in reality there are so many out there who communicate with me online asking me to accept them as my foster sons or daughters.

I am blessed to have met my match in my wife now who has been a pillar of support, love and care beyond words. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala bless and reward her always.

I can't do much to change things but my prayers have always been for the safety and well being of my flesh and blood.

Sometimes I come across cyber friends and contacts who confess to me of the abuse that they are going through at the hands of their husbands or even wives.

Same question arises.

Is there life after divorce? Depends.

Whether you have it in you to reestablish your life once again.

Learn not to repeat the same mistakes and avoid falling into the same old traps and quagmires out there.

I can only say a silent prayer that the rest of my life will be a blessed one as I am currently living in.

We can't change yesterday but God willing we can make a change tomorrow.

Get real and decide as to whether you want to suffer in silence for the rest of your life or start life anew with a better more understanding and loving spouse.

Insya Allah.

As for the children of divorced parents, there are some things they would never understand for they were not in the shoes of their parents.

Irreconcilable differences are better settled through divorce than put the entire family at mortal danger for the threat of violence that might just ensue when a party is pushed to the limits and might just react and retaliate in a way that might just be harmful for everyone concerned.

Don't blame one parent for the faults of another when things take place without any signs or warnings.

I for one just hope that my kids will be safe from harm and for them to learn to stand on their own two feet now that they are all grown up.

They ought to know better as to how to conduct themselves and be responsible for their actions.

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala bless and protect us all.

Ameen.

Related readings.

13 comments:

a kl citizen said...

a well put entri... writing from experience..and it really touches the heart

may Allah bless Mahaguru and family always.amin

MAHAGURU58 said...

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Thank you Cikgu for your comforting words.

Allah knows how much my heart longs and yearns to even be able to hear the voice of my children but they are either too busy with their lives or still angry with me for leaving them?

God knows that if I didn't , I might not be still alive today for I would have died an early death due to the tremendous heartaches I was going through at that time.

I just had to write this and unload the heavy burden I had been carrying in my heart all these years since my divorce back in 2001.

I remarried in 2002 and to this date have been blessed to have my wife who is just an angel in human form.

May Allah have mercy upon me and grant me and my loved ones a better tomorrow.

Ameen.

Same goes to all of you my beloved friends and supporters.

Ameen.

Mohd. Rizal said...

Assalam wbt.

Semoga Allah swt memperkenankan permohonan dan permintaan tuan itu...... sebagai seorang anak mangsa penceraian, saya faham dan tahu mengapa anak2 tuan masih begitu.....insya allah.....Allah swt telah tentukan yang terbaik untuk kita semua.....Wallahu'alam.

Anonymous said...

Salam Tuan

nasib malang telah menimpa saya.isteri yang dikasihi dan dimanja telah lari dengan seorang lesbian,sekarang ini kami telah bercerai tetapi anak perempuan umur 7 tahun dibawah jagaan mereka.

apakah nasib anak saya itu?akan ingatkah dia akan Allah?kemana halatuju nya nanti,ke-jalan seorang islam atau menjadi macam ibu nya?

kalau lah saya yang banyak berdosa,kenapakah anak saya yang di hukum?

norzah said...

If marrienage is made in heaven (jodoh pertemuan ditangan Tuhan)why do we have many cases of mismatch? Is such a mismatch another of God's
challenges (ujian)? Or is it a punishment for human failure to seek Allah's blessings before marrying someone?

Hope to get your views on these issues.

onn said...

Dugaan dan cabaran hidup setiap insan bernama manusia akan tetap dilalui.

Tak kira apa bentuk rupa dugaan itu termasuk keruntuhan rumah tangga...!!

Apa yang diperlukan ialah perjalanan hidup mesti diteruskan walaupun cabaran hidup tetap kita tempohi.

Cuma pengalaman cabaran yang telah kita lalui itu menambah kematangan dan persediaan dimasa depan.

Kita sedia maklum.... lagi tinggi iman seseorang itu lagi tinggi dugaan dan cabaran yg bakal kita terima.

Walaubagaimana pun segala-galanya doa ke hadrat ALLAh s.w.t.

MAHAGURU58 said...

Assalamualaikum Norzah,

I answered you here : http://mahaguru58.blogspot.com/2009/07/if-marriages-are-made-in-heaven-how.html

Hope you are satisfied, Insya Allah!

Wassalamualaikum wr wb.

MAHAGURU58 said...

onn,

Madah pujangga bro!

Luahan pengalaman hidup!

Tabik spring brader!

Hebat dan padat!

Tahniah.

MAHAGURU58 said...

Assalamualaikum Saudara Kassim.

Allah SWT Maha Mengetahui akan apa sebenarnya yang telah berlaku didalam kehidupan tuan suami isteri.

Peristiwa bekas isteri tuan berhubungan sejenis dengan sesama kaumnya sudah pasti ada titik tolak yang mendorong dirinya ke arah perkara terkutuk dan terlaknat Allah itu.

Wallahu alam akan perkara pokok yang boleh membuatkan seseorang perempuan sanggup menambah dosa dengan perkara luar tabii seperti lesbianisma ini.

Tuan telah bertindak betul dengan menceraikannya.

Tentang anak tuan itu tuan boleh sahaja mengadu akan perkara ini kepada pejabat kadhi yang menguruskan kes tuan dan juga dengan Kementerian Hal Ehwal Wanita serta Kebajikan Masyarakat untuk meminta bantuan mereka.

Perkara seperti ini tidak boleh selesai dengan usaha tuan sendirian.

Tuan perlukan khidmat bantuan guaman juga.

Hubungi seorang peguam syariah dan minta pandangan beliau.

Insya Allah akan ada hasilnya.

Anak anak itu memang perlu dijaga dari kecil tetapi adakalanya anak kita sendiri akan berubah menjadi anak buluh betung jika salah didikannya terutama dari perempuan yang samada bernafsu keterlampauan atau yang gila harta.

Saya bercakap melalui pengalaman peribadi.

Kekadang terfikir juga akan apa perlunya segala pengorbanan seorang ayah sekian lama bersabar dengan kerenah mereka yang kita anggap sebagai darah daging kita jika hanya untuk mereka berubah menjadi duri didalam daging kita setelah membesar dan menjadi dewasa?

Kekadang sesuatu itu berlaku dengan sebab dan ada hikmahnya.

Wallahu 'alam bissawab!

Jay Kactuz said...

I am not a friend of islam (much to the contrary) but I do read your blog once in a while, even if I havent left a post in a long long time.

But this is about divorce and relationships between men and women. They are never easy, and even in the best of circumstances require work.

I can sympathize with your words and feel your sadness. Divorce is not easy, and when there are children, it is always a bad situation.

yes there is life after divorce, but it can be much like life at any other stage.

I am now in my mid 60s and have been married for almost 40 years. Sometimes I can't remember not being married. Even after all these years I have no idea of what works. Marriage is a complex relationship that depends on hundreds of factors (money, family, finances, health, ideals, shared interests, sex, pride, feelings, other people, children, culture, etc... ) The only two people that really understand a marriage are the two in it and I'm not sure of that sometimes. I guess I am lucky -- more than I deserve to be.

I would hope that your children would come back to you. Whatever the issues between you and your former wife, your love for them is unchanged.

It is sad, really sad. Good luck.

Kactuz

Chrissy said...

I don't know yet, as I'm not fully divorced yet.
I found a better way to divorce rather then the standard way.
This process I learned from a book called, Divorce Mediation from the Inside Out by Ora Schwartzberg.
Inside it describes a unique form of mediation that utilizes the services of expert attorney mediators, at a minimal cost to the client.

MAHAGURU58 said...

Thanks for the feedback and support Jay!

Its good to know that there are people like you out there who understand what I am saying?

Nevertheless, Life is what we make it to be and I have no regrets.

Do pray for me bro that I'd get all that I wish for and am working towards attaining just all that.

Wishing you the best in your life as well!

Cheers! :)

MAHAGURU58 said...

Chrissy,

Thanks for the feedback and visit. Will check out your blog soon.

Have a nice day! :)