Part of the Do'a Iftitah

"Verily my solats, my ibadah, my life and my death I surrender to Almighty Allah, Creator and Lord of all the worlds. Never will I associate anything with Him. So am I commanded and I am of those who are Muslims."

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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

How to be a good leader in one's family? By choosing to live and let be .... reasonably.

Recently I watched an episode of 'Law & Order' on television where it showed how an overbearing husband and father sort of terrorized his family into living their life in complete accordance to what he decided them to be.

It was both an eye opener and wake up call to me as a person who is also a husband and life partner to my wife whom I love so dearly. 

In a way, I could relate to and understand what the main character of the father and husband wanted his family to live according to a certain standard and form of living that was good and free from harm or frivolity.

Yet it also dawned upon me that the character in a way robbed his family members from being who they are as individuals and be humans. Each with their own special abilities, traits and individuality.

You see, if Allah wanted us to be perfect, we wouldn't be here as human beings. We would be created by Him to be free from error. That is a trait that belongs to Him. The Most Perfect and Immaculate.

We are mere human beings. We are created by Allah to have certain traits and qualities which when used together with the faculties of reason and good judgment that He imbued in us will see to our gaining what is good and due to us eventually.

When we dictate to others as to how to live and insist upon them to abide by our decision ; in a way we would turn to be dictators and rob others of the freedom to do something out of one's own free will and volition.

Life is a series of adjustments where we can achieve what we want and that which God enjoins upon us by using reason and commonsense without seeming to be so hard upon those whom we so love and wish only the best for them.

It's not an easy task. To be able to satisfy each and every one whom we care for but by using our hard gained wisdom through the years that we ourselves went through and learned either through the easy or the hard way as to what is the result of this or that action of ours?

The main character in that episode might have thought that by his insistence that his wife and children abide by each decision or instruction of his, he was doing them a favor and prevent them from falling into error or do wrong but in smothering them with his uncalled for domineering ways, he was actually robbing them of their own free will and independent choice. Which was wrong!

Each of us do want the best for those whom we care about and are responsible for?

But that should not force us to be cruel and heartless when dealing with them. We ought to leave them some space and room to commit errors. Errors which would not harm them too much and allow them to learn from their own experience.

That's what life is about? To be able to fall and then get up on our own strength and will power. To be able to feel the pain of this or that and overcome that failure with the rewards of eventual success. 

Sometimes we can't help but screw up with our verbal diarrhea or slip of the tongue so to speak and say things that we really wouldn't express to our loved ones but we just do because we are after all just being human.

If we do so, best way to make amends would be to tell our loved one that we are sorry for our slip up and hope that they will forgive us. Hopefully, they will.

Life is after all, what we make of it? Live and learn from our mistakes.

We should learn to give our loved ones their own fair share of gaining something through their own individual efforts. Yes, we must also look out for them not to fall victim to anyone out there whom we know could harm them or be detrimental to their achieving what they deserve but we must learn to do so in a way that allows them to deal with what comes their way on their own but when necessary step in to help them out with our wisdom and strength.

Insya Allah! Life's no fun when we impose our will on others unnecessarily and force them to live a claustrophobic life where they lose out on their own freedom of choice.

Don't you agree?

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